Love Me For Me
by blackberry tart
Summary: Sometimes, all you really need is a good distraction. ExT


Disclaimer: No, I don't own Card Captor Sakura. It belongs to CLAMP. I was supposed to get the rights for Christmas, but that never happened.

Warnings: Lime-ishness. Nothing too graphic, but it's there, so this is a kind of high PG-13. There's mild swearing, too. Be warned.

Notes: Yatta! I finally finished a fic! I'm so terrible pleased with myself!!! Anyway, its lovely ExT time! Go read! 

I knew it would never work. I knew she loved _him_. So why did I keep chasing her? Why…?

~*~Love Me for Me~*~

I stood there, right next to her, watching as she gazed intently into his eyes. Her dress was perfect; I'd designed it for her, white satin and lace with little pink sakura embroidered along the hem. It flowed like water around her ankles, swishing and rustling quietly as she swayed. Her auburn hair had grown out in the last few years, and now hung down a few inches past her shoulders, and her beautiful emerald eyes were shining with happiness. Her lips formed "I do", right after the brown-haired young man in front of her had spoken the same words, and then she leaned forward and kissed him. I felt tears spring to my eyes. She was lost to me forever, now.

I don't even remember how I lasted through the reception, but eventually I was the last person in the hall. I finished off a bottle of wine I'd found sitting on one of the deserted tables, and felt myself grow even more tipsy. But I didn't care; nothing mattered anymore. Maybe I'd go cry myself to sleep. Or maybe I'd go jump off the balcony of my fifth-story hotel room. But I knew I wouldn't do that; I wasn't quite _that_ desperate yet. Not quite. But eventually, I knew, something in me would snap.

I wobbled up the stairs to my room. Thankfully, the reception was held at the hotel where we were all staying. I wouldn't have survived the parking lot if I'd had to drive in that condition. I eventually managed to teeter into my room, where I immediately collapsed onto the empty queen-sized bed. I was alone, again.

After a few weeks, the pain of seeing her with her husband… yes, I insisted on calling him her _husband_, no matter how much it hurt… was beginning to really get to me. I could barely talk to either of them anymore without crying. I tried to avoid them for a time, but that didn't seem to work at all. Wherever I went, there they were, feeding each other and kissing and being generally cute and cuddly. My drinking habit that had started at the wedding reception was growing steadily worse. I started going to night clubs and getting sloshed every night. I'd dance with whichever guy came onto me first; it didn't matter, I just wanted to get _them_ off my mind.

One night, early, so I wasn't that bad off yet, a guy came up and sat next to me at the bar. He offered to buy me a drink, but I brandished my hard lemonade and stated that I already had one. So he bought his own drink, I don't even remember what it was, and made a lame attempt at starting a conversation with me. I think it was something about how some local sports team had won again. I waved him off mid-sentence.

"Look, if you want to dance, just say it." He looked at me for a moment, then spoke again. This time it actually penetrated my mind.

"You look depressed. No," he corrected himself, "you look absolutely devastated. Do you wanna talk about it?" His voice cut straight through the white noise of the club pounding in my ears and sunk itself deep inside my brain. How did he know…?

"Come on out. We can talk in my car." His voice was strangely melodic. As if I was in a trance, I followed him out the back door and into the parking lot. He stopped at a fancy black sports car, pulled out his key ring, and pressed the small button on the automatic lock. Then he opened the passenger side door, motioning me inside.

Twenty minutes later, I was bawling on his black leather interior. My shell had cracked, I'd told him all about my unrequited love for Sakura and her recent marriage to Syaoran, how everything had gone down the drain in the last few months… He reached over and hugged me, gently pulling me to his warm body.

I knew when he brought me out here, at least in the back of my mind, that he only wanted one thing from me. But I didn't care anymore, I'd give him what he wanted, it didn't matter to me.

I felt his lips press against my neck, felt his grip tightening around my waist, and I let him continue. Hey, maybe it would get everything else off my mind for at least a little while.

Within five minutes, my seat was reclined all the way back and he was lying on top of me, both our shirts crumpled on the drivers seat. His hand was sliding up my skirt, but I barely registered it; my mind was somewhere else. I hardly knew what my body was doing; all I knew was that I was betraying someone. I wasn't sure quite whom anymore, but I was betraying _someone_. And then I saw the shadow outside the car.

My elbow moved of it's own accord onto the automatic window control, and it rolled down. Standing outside the car, resplendent in solid black with his indigo hair falling into his eyes, was Eriol Hiiragizawa. His eyes were filled with an almost-disguised pain, and he looked pleadingly into mine. It felt almost as if he were seeing straight into my soul with that piercing gaze of his.

"Tomoyo…" he whispered my name, and his voice shook.

"Who the hell are you?!" the man yelled at Eriol, his attention having been caught by the cold air wafting in through the open window.

Eriol ignored him, looking only at me. "Daidouji-san? Did you let him do this to you?" Something in his voice caught my mind, pulled it back to the present, to what this strange man was doing with my body.

"No," I answered after a moment. I don't know why I said it, I'd given this guy my full permission to do anything he wanted, but something made me say I hadn't.

"Then let me take care of him," Eriol said, his voice full of ice. He opened the car door and reached inside, then grabbed the guy by his belt and yanked him out of the car.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you bastard?!" the man screeched indignantly, righting himself after his ungraceful collision with the pavement.

Eriol didn't reply, but walked around the front of the car and got into the driver's seat. I pulled my door closed and grabbed my shirt from Eriol's hand, slipping it over my head as I brought the seat back upright.

"Are you alright?" Eriol asked me, a concerned look in his stormy-ocean-colored eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess," I replied shortly.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

He didn't press anymore, even though I'm positive he knew that my answers weren't sincere. Instead, he started the car with the keys that the… the _guy_ had left in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot. The trip remained silent all the way to his house.

"Hiiragizawa-kun?" I spoke tentatively, my hands wrapped around a cup of some sort of English tea and my body cushioned on a couch in front of his fireplace.

"What is it?" he asked, settling himself in his own chair with another mug of tea.

"I'm – I'm sorry." My eyes dropped to my hands as he looked up at me.

"Whatever for?"

I paused, searching for words. What _was_ I apologizing for, anyway? I wasn't really sure; all I knew was that I felt like I needed to apologize. Finally, I replied.

"For… everything."

"Daidouji, if this is about the club, there's no need to apologize. I was worried about you, so I came to find you. I thought something might have happened to you."

I looked up at him, the smallest of tears beginning to form in my eyes. "…Thank you…" I whispered, and my shoulders shook.

And then, for the second time that night, I was crying.

Eriol, of course, rushed over, pulling me close, letting me rest my head on his shoulder, whispering tiny assurances into my hair. I must have cried for hours; that's what it felt like.

"He… he… God, what's wrong with me?" I cried brokenly, my voice hoarse. Eriol was silent, letting me fume and cry and get everything out of my system, and I was grateful. I don't know if I could have withstood an answer.

And eventually, I was still. My throat was sore, my eyes puffy and red, but I was no longer crying.

"Would you like some more tea?" Eriol asked softly, pulling my mind away from all this self-pity.

"Yes, please." I smiled. It was only a small smile, but it was the first one in weeks. But Eriol started to rise from the couch, and that smile was gone. I clung to his arm, dreading to be alone even for one second. I felt like I was being abandoned all over again. My rational mind was screaming at me, 'He's only making tea! Calm down!', but it didn't hold much sway at the time.

"I- I'll come with you." I stood up, wrapping the blanket that had been on the couch around my shoulders as he picked up the half-full mugs of tea that had long gone cold. We walked into the kitchen, and I leaned on the counter as he refilled the kettle and started it again.

"Hiiragizawa-kun?" I asked, once he had finished with the kettle and was sifting through his drawer of teas.

"Yes?" he replied, looking up at me. I bowed my head.

"I'm sorry. You're always so nice to me, and I have no way to repay you…"

"Oh, Daidouji-san… Don't worry. You don't need to repay me. I just want to see you smiling again." His eyes were kind, but I could almost see that old teasing edge again. "Unless…"

I had no warning. Suddenly, he had swooped down and scooped me into his arms, his Cheshire Cat grin glowing, and he was carrying me back out to the living room. "Unless…" he repeated, depositing me on the couch. His eyes were twinkling merrily as he leaned down…

And he kissed me. I fought the urge to slap him, but I found myself grinning all the same. Yes, Hiiragizawa Eriol had not changed one bit. He pulled back, his face radiant as he saw me smiling.

"Yes, I'd say that was enough payment for all you've put me through…" he smiled, dusting his hands and turning to go back to the kitchen. But I never let him get that far. I'd realized something when he'd kissed me. I discovered that I'd been waiting for that moment for a long time…

So I pulled him back by the pant leg. He fell on top of me, looking very surprised.

"Daudouj—" was as far as he got before I kissed him. He was rigid at first – I could tell he wasn't used to the tables being turned like this – but soon he was kissing me back. It felt so good to be… to be _wanted _like that. It was more than I had ever felt before. He ran his hands through my hair, and I almost wanted to cry again.

He loved me; I could tell by the way he kissed. I'd kissed many a guy in my stints at the club, but nothing had ever been like this. He wanted me, too, but it wasn't like he just wanted _someone_. He wanted _me_, and _only_ me, and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

I ran my hands up his back and into his hair, pressing his mouth closer to mine. He moaned my name – my _first_ name – and I stiffened. This wasn't just some random make-out on a barstool in a club. This was _Eriol_ that I was kissing, and we were lying on his _couch_. I pulled back.

"Hiiragizawa-kun?" I asked tentatively. He flinched; I was still being formal. He lifted himself from his position and sat down by my feet as I righted myself.

My mind was running in circles, now that it was fully aware of the situation. _He kissed me. No, I kissed _him_! But I love Sakura-chan! Why am I kissing Eriol?_

Because you love him! some part of me screamed. I was taken aback. This was news to me; when did I start loving Eriol? _Since you met him. Since he helped you pair up Sakura and Syaoran. Since he comforted you when Sakura announced that she and Syaoran were engaged. Since he helped you plan their wedding. Since he took you home that first night out at the clubs._ The list went on.

__

But I love Sakura! I screamed defiantly at that annoying little voice.

__

Yes, you do, it replied. _But you love Eriol more. Sakura is lost to you now. You can love her all you like, but it won't do anything for you. Eriol is right there, waiting for you._

I looked over at the indigo-haired man seated next to me; he was pointedly looking away from me, staring at the opposite wall. He looked rather… vulnerable, if he could even be capable of such an emotion. It made my heart ache that he should feel that way; that I should be the one to cause it made me want to cry again. It was disturbing to see him depressed. Eriol was _never_ depressed.

__

He loves you, the voice insisted. I almost believed it.

"Hii—Eriol?" I corrected. He turned to look at me.

"Yes?" he asked. His voice didn't waver, and I realized, not for the first time, that he was very talented at hiding his emotions. But I could still see that blaze of hope in his eyes when I used his given name, and that sparkle of… of love. It was impossible; Eriol couldn't be in love with _me_. But it was there. I had to ask.

"Do you… do you love me?" my voice almost shook; it was all I could do to keep it under control.

"Only if you want me to." His voice was amazingly calm for the rush of emotions that passed through his eyes with my question.

"I… I think I do want you to." I lowered my eyes, a very faint blush tingeing my cheeks.

He turned on the couch and moved closer to me, then gently reached out and covered my hands with his own.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked quietly. "Or are you just trying to escape?"

"I…" I wasn't quite sure. But I looked up into his face, into his deep ocean-colored eyes, and I was lost to him. My mind was made up. "Yes, I really do mean it."

His hands were sliding up my arms, he was leaning forward again, and then our lips met for the third time that evening.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, pulling him as close as I could, savoring his flavor. I found myself on my back again, and he was laying over me, massaging my back and neck as our tongues met. My hands gravitated toward his hair; it seemed to have a magnetic attraction for my fingers, and the way if flowed like silk through them was just…

His mouth left mine, and I was whimpering for him. I'd never been one to beg for touch before, but Eriol had a way about him, about his kisses and moans and the little caresses that were sending electric tingles down my spine, that simply made me melt.

His lips found my earlobe, and he began to nibble. I have never felt something as good as that in my entire life. I moaned the into bare shoulder that had appeared before me, and then began smothering it with kisses, tasting his skin like the finest delicacy.

__

He's almost as pale as I am, I realized when I noticed that both our shirts had somehow disappeared. I traced my fingers over his lightly muscled back and he groaned into my neck, then pulled his head back to mine and kissed me like I'd never been kissed before…

At some point during the night we'd managed to get enough sense about us to move up to his bedroom, at which point we resumed our activities in his four-post king-sized bed. And when I woke up in the morning, I was very pleasantly sore in all sorts of places that I'd never known existed.

I rested my face in my hands, admiring his sleeping face with its long, dark blue eyelashes as the sun streamed in through his window. He really was beautiful. I never wanted to leave him again.

After what could have been two hours or only five minutes, I wasn't truly paying attention to time, he woke up. I leaned over and kissed him, a slow, loving kiss, and he came away grinning.

"My dearest Tomoyo, why didn't you tell me last night that you were still a virgin?" he asked teasingly, snaking an arm around my waist and pulling me down onto his chest.

"Hey, just because I was bar-crazy for a time there doesn't mean that I lost my virginity to some bozo in the back of a car!" I cried indignantly, masking my grin.

"But you almost did, didn't you…" Eriol spoke softly this time, turning serious.

"You rescued me from that, and that's all that matters," I said in a tone meant to end discussion on the matter entirely. I didn't want him moping on something that wasn't his fault.

"You do know that I love you, right? That this wasn't just some one-night fling?" His eyes had turned serious, with an almost panicked edge.

"Of course," I replied. How could I _not_ be sure, after all the times he'd repeated that fact the previous night?

"Tomoyo-chan… what about Sakura?" He was wincing inwardly for bring up the topic, I could tell, but I didn't mind anymore.

"I… I still love her, but it's faded. My world doesn't revolve around her anymore. I…" I trailed off, not sure how to phrase what I wanted to say. _Did _I really love him now? Or was he just a rebound from my long-lasting obsession with the cherry blossom? No, that couldn't be it. What had happened last night was too real, too close to my heart for it just to be a fling. "I'm not sure if I'm truly in love with you, but I… I'm getting there. Just give me time. I mean, I _want_ to be in love with you, but…"

"I know, Tomoyo. Don't worry." He smiled, and the world was bright again. I hugged him tightly, tucking my head under his chin, and smiled softly. Yes, Sakura was still a big part of my life, but Eriol loved me. And I… I would love him, too, once the pain of my love for Sakura had lessened.

Life was grand.

~Owari


End file.
